I am STILL a Fat Ass

Yes, Yes....I am STILL a Fat Ass...finally got on a scale last week and surprise surprise, I gained 15 lbs since May. Not to mention I was already 25 lbs overweight. My muffin top is officially bigger than my boobs. *gasp* *holds hand to forehead* *faints* 


Nothing, and I mean NOTHING fits me anymore. As of last week, I was down to one pair of jeans, two moo moo skirts, and sweatpants *ick*...Unfortunately my jeans could not take the extra poundage and committed suicide....yes, suicide....they are no longer wearable in any country....As for my moo moo skirt, the wash ate it. The elastic came apart....maybe it paid the washer to kill it, who knows.....So I am down to one moo-moo skirt (which makes me look Amish) and the dreaded sweat pants....*hangs head in shame*


Desperate times call for desperate measures.....Yes, I'm about to say it, the D-word. I am on a DIET..........   :(
No bread (it will officially be called 'Osama Bread Laden' from now on), no pasta, and no soda-NOOOOOOOOOO you evil woman!!!!! *shakes fists in the air* Also, no Dunkin Donuts coffee, Starbucks, no foods listed "diet", no fat free, no pre-packaged food, or fast food. *sighs*


Soooooooo what am I eating??  Water, fresh fruits, vegetables, chicken, fish, nuts, greek yogurt, low sodium foods, making all my meals, etc. etc. All the crap you know you must do but don't-Ugh!  I'm also tracking my meals and calorie intake-so sad :(  


But one thing I will not give up is my morning coffee! I refuse!!! Hell to the no!!!!!! Buuuuuuuuuuutttttttt, I did modify it....instead of 2 TBSP of creamer, I am using 1 and instead 3 TBSP of sugar (don't judge me), I am using 1 tsp....It has taken some getting used to...*sticks tongue out*


I've also started exercising. Got myself a trainer...my hubby. You know how men always seem to have the answers, you should do this, you never listen to me blah blah blah....well I'm making him put his money where his mouth is. I have to say he is pretty good, he keeps me motivated, and the best part is I get to punch him in the face when we box. 


My goal is to lose the 15 I gained, plus another 25, a grand total of 40. My mom seems to think that is too much...she believes at a certain age a woman has to choose between her ass and her face...I'm choosing my face so we will see what the grand total will be.....


*UPDATE* I have lost 5 lbs so far!!! Yeah me! 




XOXO


The Brainless Housewife 

Its official, I am Fat Ass

I just finished reading "TaILs" of Motherhood blog post (she is hilarious- check her out) about weight gain and weight loss. As I read it I kept thinking, "I feel your pain, I know your pain, I live your pain because I am a fat ass!!!"


You may be thinking I am being harsh calling myself this...but I know I'm a fat ass because nothing fits, not even my fat clothes...nothing! I went bathing suit shopping recently because my bottom from last year wouldn't even go past my thighs. All of the bathing suit bottoms I tried on cried....CRIED!  I have a gut like I'm 4 months pregnant! I got rolls in different area codes! I refuse to buy clothes a bigger size because I'm cheap, sue me!


I know weight loss is all about math: burn off more than you take in. Well I'm failing that equation! Come to think of it, I was never good at math anyway... 


"Why don't you go on a diet?", you may ask. I can not diet. CAN NOT with a capital C, Bold and Underlined! I stick to it for about a week then I snap like a twig. Before you know it I'm scarfing down Ho-Hos in the supermarket like some rabid beast....I don't even like Ho-Hos!!! Not to mention I love love love Pepsi. I love Pepsi more than chocolate. I love it like Jacob loves Bella (yeah, I said it) LOVE LOVE LOVE! But that's another post for a later date. 


"Why don't you exercise?", you may ask. Well I'll tell you: I started the spring all gung ho about exercise. I started doing the Jillian Michaels DVDs and Zumba DVDs. Then tragedy struck: my heel spurs started acting up to the point of calling the waaaaaaambulance! Went to the podiatrist and not only do I have heel spurs in both feet, but its so bad I am borderline surgery. So no more working out and I have to walk around with medical Crocs until I get my orthodics- attractive, huh?

The truth is I am a glutton...a glutton for punishment. I have no idea how much weight I gained because my boys broke my scale jumping on it-which is, like Martha would say, "A Good Thing".

So, I have convinced myself that summer is not the time to lose weight..how can you? All the BBQs, summer drinks, and dessert goodies....Ack!! The reality is the best seasons to lose weight is fall and spring. Why may you ask? Because fall is for shedding your summer weight and spring is for shedding your holiday weight. So, my plan is when the kids go back to school (September 6 can't come soon enough), I will go to the gym for 2 hours a day (providing I have my orthodics by then) and workout. I hear the elliptical calling my name!!!!!


Until then, No going psycho. No food journals. No crash diets. I'm embracing being a fat ass and I'm going to enjoy every lobster roll I can get my mouth around on our trip to Maine next week.


XOXO


The Brainless Housewife :P


P.S. I don't buy Pepsi anymore or drink it outside because I know its bad for my health, all the sugar, additives, blah blah blah, but I love it from afar. LOVE......