Liars Anonymous....

I recently read a blog post at Life as Bobbi titled "Too Much Information?" and she posed the question about being honest with your children about your past and other situations: To lie or not to lie, that is the question.


I don't know about you but I'm a liar....a big one.....I belong in Liars Anonymous. I will lie to chidren until they are 50. My boys like to ask questions....lots of them. Sometimes I feel like I live with Peter Jennings and Walter Cronkite. I have neither the strength or patience to explain my past choices or why things were the way they were. The other day my son asked why do people smoke....then it was followed by don't they know its bad for them, where do they make cigarettes, do all people die from smoking, have you ever smoked, have you known anyone who has smoked, etc etc....you get the idea......


Don't don't get me wrong, I don't make crazy stories up. I lie with one word answers or key phrases like "No, Nope, Never, Sure, Ok, I never did that as a kid, I don't know, What are you talking about," etc etc. My mom used to lie to me, I will lie to my kids. So sue me!


Maybe when they are older and have stopped firing questions at me like a prosecution attorney, I will tell the truth. But until then they do not need to know about my wild teenage years, early 20's, what Daddy and I did on our trips to Cancun, Vegas, etc etc.


But until that happens I will continue to lie...so therefore I'm a liar....a big one.....


XOXO


The Brainless Housewife :P

Grateful

Grateful is the word of the day, word of the week, the word of my life. I am grateful. Grateful for my children, my family, and our safety. Friday we were involved in a car accident. Thankfully we are safe and the other driver is safe as well. I am grateful that we walked away with our health and our lives. My kids are my life. They are sweet, smart, lovable, and drive me crazy at times, but they are all mine. I can't imagine a day without them. Sometimes it takes an event like this to make you appreciate everyone and everything you have. 


So I am grateful.....always.


XOXO


The Brainless Housewife :P

Panic at the Suburban Mall!

Panic on the streets of London, Panic on the streets of Birmingham....I just love The Smiths, however if I had the chance I'd add the line to "Panic at the suburban mall" I took my kids to see Cars 2 on opening day. It was the first showing, got there early, what could go wrong?? 


Well first of all, the theater was filthy...I mean like last showing filthy. I was freaking out thinking of all the bed bugs, lice, and other germs we could contract. I wanted to leave so bad ...but my kids would have had the grand puba of all meltdowns. Second of all, everyone and their mother showed up, there was not a seat left. With the filth and all the people, I felt the walls closing in on me. Third of all, after asking my minions (that is my boys new names) a billion times if they had to go to the bathroom, they both decide in the middle of the movie they just HAD to pee. UGH!

I can't even tell you what the movie was about because between the potty breaks and worrying if we contracted lice, bed bugs, or some infectious disease, I did not pay attention. The movie was finally over and as we left the theater (which is in the middle of the town mall) I was in shock. There were so many people it looked like Black Friday or the day before Christmas Eve. I was totally not prepared for this. As I tried to navigate through the crowd I held my kids hands tighter and tighter. I felt panic setting in-chest pounding, dizziness, sweating, the works. They had no idea how freaked out I was because when we got home I let them play the Wii so I could recuperate. 

So what did I learn from all this? Never see a movie on opening day, always carry a plastic tarp, and always park closest to the exit. 


XOXO


The Brainless Housewife :P

School is out for summer and so is my sanity!!!!

As of Thursday, June 23 at approximately 11:30 am, summer vacation had begun and so did the end of my sanity. Two kids + rainy days + summer vacation = Mommy screaming, "Calgon take me away!!!!" They have had me in such a frenzy that I haven't been able to blog...Stop the INSANITY!!!!!


The constant fighting, arguing, screaming, yelling, teasing, and farting games has me at the brink. Boys are wild, crazy, and impulsive. They don't listen, they get an idea in their head and go for it. It seems like all I do is say (scream), "No, Stop that, Sit down, Leave your brother alone, Why did you hit him, Don't fart on him", etc. etc. By the end of the night I'm exhausted. Not to mention the tons of guilt I feel for being "so mean" which I happen to wash down with lots of clear liquid and cheesecake.


Hopefully we will get into a better routine and I won't have to go to the asylum...not just yet anyway. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel....I just received Toys R Us Back to School catalog! LOL!




XOXO


The Brainless Housewife :P

Friendly's...the friendly place???

At my local Friendly's on Wednesdays kids eat for 1.99 with an adult meal. It seems like a great deal, but this deal comes at your own risk of losing the little sanity you have left. It is TORTURE with a capital T. Once you are seated it begins from every corner of the restaurant..."Stop it, eat your food, we don't spit, sit and finish, if you don't finish we are not coming back, do not eat like a dog, get off the floor, Moooooooommmm he's not sharing his fries, leave him alone, eat your own food, behave yourself, get back here!!" It is official, I'm in the ninth canto of hell. 


My kids start to act up and I give them the look of death. They stop immediately because they know I will get up and leave (I've done it before). But you can't blame them for trying-the whole restaurant is in chaos! I sit there and think, "I'm a glutton for punishment! Calgon take me away!!!" Then I see people come in with no kids and I think to myself, "Are you crazy or love to be tortured? The ice cream is not that good, is it?!?"

And then the happy ending, the sundae is served. SILENCE...the kids are quiet and I have a moment of peace before the sugar kicks in. There it is....this is why I keep coming back...the silence...its almost worth the tears, screaming, and tantrums.....Almost!


XOXO


The Brainless Housewife :P

The Clean Mini-Van: Suburban Myth?

Recently a friend of mine got a brand spanking new 2011 mini-van. I oooed and aaahed at all the new features, the plush leather seats, the big DVD screen, the navigation system and the brand new car smell. As I kept inhaling the lovely newness I realized what I loved most was how clean it was. It was as if angels came down and cleaned it every night. As I went to my van I realized how dirty and dusty it was. I saw all the food and stains in the carpet. I could literally make a meal with what was on my van floor.


So this weekend my husband and I cleaned it. I was absolutely disgusted. We took out the carpets, vacuumed, scrubbed, wiped all the stains, crumbs, and gook..and when I say "we" I mean my husband with me supervising. Of all the little treasures I found: glitter, goldfish, Capri Sun wrappers (I could make a dress with those), petrified raisins, plastic bubble eyes, Cheerios (General Mills should cut me a check),  the best was a size three pamper I found in the third row pocket. It brought a tear to my eye to remember all the changes my family has been through the last five years. All the pampers I changed in that third row are now a distant memory. Awwww, they grow so fast.....


But with that being said, I read my kids the riot act after the van was done: "You see how clean this van is? We are going to keep it that way! There will be no eating, no drinking, no chewing, no thinking of food, you drop it-pick it up, etc etc.."  Cut to forty eight hours later and my van is still sparkling minus the potato chip crumbs because little people (who shall remain nameless) were starving.....


XOXO


The Brainless Housewife :P

Let's get ready to rumble!!!!!

As summer vacation approaches, only one phrase comes to mind from the famous boxing announcer Michael Buffer, "Let's get ready to RUMBLE!!!!!!!"  My boys + 24 hrs a day = Give that back! Get off me! You cheated!! Leave me alone! Mommy, he hit me!!!!"


I decided not to send them to day camp this summer. I had these wonderful visions of us relaxing by the pool, going to the library, and taking day trips to the museum and beach. (I also wanted to save money). But now reality is setting in and I am facing the fact that I have two energetic boys who are busy busy busy.  I have thought of creating a "schedule" like they have in school to keep them entertained. I fear that I lack the energy and patience to keep up with them. I wish I was more laid back and organized and less hyper and disorganized. I wish I was "that Mom", the one we all aspire to be.


So as of Friday, summer vacation will be officially underway. I know there will be a lot of screaming and crying (not only from me) but I also know there will be a lot of laughter and smiles. This will be the summer of them being 7 and 5, a summer to remember. However with all those nice things being said, I know I will be the one of those "excited" parents to be shopping for school supplies come August.


XOXO


The Brainless Housewife :P

Graduation

My youngest graduates from preschool tomorrow. He says to me, "I'm ready to go to kindergarten now!" This graduation is bittersweet for me. My baby is off to big school. No more half days and no more special time with just me and him. As I drove him to school today I realized it was the last time I would be doing so. The last time we would take the 5 mile trip singing his favorite songs. He seems to have grown up so much from September, capable of doing more things for himself. 


I also feel like I'm graduating too. I'm off to big school. This preschool has been an anchor, a home base for my children and I the last four years. Friends I have made, women I have come to know and see everyday, I will see no more. Like every graduation, people promise to K.I.T. and the ever popular "we have to get together over the summer". But life gets in the way, and the old adage of "Out of sight, Out of Mind" applies. I'm guilty of it, we all are. 


So as I walk the halls tomorrow for the last time I must not be sad. I must take a cue from my son and be excited for the next adventure. He seems to know best. 


XOXO


The Brainless Housewife :P

I don't like you Mommy!!!!

I don't like you Mommy! That's what my four year old screams at me while he's pointing his little finger. I pause which feels like an eternity....thoughts rush through my mind...should I put him in time out? Scream back? Do what my mother or grandmother would have done??


No, I can't...I'm trying to raise my kids differently, I've read all the books, seen all the shows, I know not to be offended or hurt...but this is my baby...my youngest, my quiet child....I can't help but feel hurt....however my little drill sergeant voice snaps me back into reality...Get on your feet Soldier!


So I look my four year old in the eye, get down on his eye level (learned that from Supernanny), and in a calm voice say, "You don't like me? Good, I prefer it that way, now go sit on your bed" His eyes widen and my seven year old says, "Whoa!" He goes to his room and after 4 minutes and 50 seconds (he's going to be five at the end of the month), I go into his room and explain why he's in there and etc etc. He apologizes, gives me a big hug, and off he goes....Crisis ended.


I just think to myself if I solved the problem...will he ever say that to me again? Did I make an impression? Will this be labeled as one of my bad parenting moments? I'll only find out years from now over a family dinner when my boys are reminiscing about their childhood, laughing, saying, "Remember the time Mom..."


Ahhh, the adventures of Motherhood!


XOXO
The Brainless Housewife :P