I'm not dead....

Hi all! I'm not dead. Just been super busy with super life changes that I will be sharing with you. Will be posting soon! Keep an eye out for me!

XOXO

The Brainless Housewife :P

I am STILL a Fat Ass

Yes, Yes....I am STILL a Fat Ass...finally got on a scale last week and surprise surprise, I gained 15 lbs since May. Not to mention I was already 25 lbs overweight. My muffin top is officially bigger than my boobs. *gasp* *holds hand to forehead* *faints* 


Nothing, and I mean NOTHING fits me anymore. As of last week, I was down to one pair of jeans, two moo moo skirts, and sweatpants *ick*...Unfortunately my jeans could not take the extra poundage and committed suicide....yes, suicide....they are no longer wearable in any country....As for my moo moo skirt, the wash ate it. The elastic came apart....maybe it paid the washer to kill it, who knows.....So I am down to one moo-moo skirt (which makes me look Amish) and the dreaded sweat pants....*hangs head in shame*


Desperate times call for desperate measures.....Yes, I'm about to say it, the D-word. I am on a DIET..........   :(
No bread (it will officially be called 'Osama Bread Laden' from now on), no pasta, and no soda-NOOOOOOOOOO you evil woman!!!!! *shakes fists in the air* Also, no Dunkin Donuts coffee, Starbucks, no foods listed "diet", no fat free, no pre-packaged food, or fast food. *sighs*


Soooooooo what am I eating??  Water, fresh fruits, vegetables, chicken, fish, nuts, greek yogurt, low sodium foods, making all my meals, etc. etc. All the crap you know you must do but don't-Ugh!  I'm also tracking my meals and calorie intake-so sad :(  


But one thing I will not give up is my morning coffee! I refuse!!! Hell to the no!!!!!! Buuuuuuuuuuutttttttt, I did modify it....instead of 2 TBSP of creamer, I am using 1 and instead 3 TBSP of sugar (don't judge me), I am using 1 tsp....It has taken some getting used to...*sticks tongue out*


I've also started exercising. Got myself a trainer...my hubby. You know how men always seem to have the answers, you should do this, you never listen to me blah blah blah....well I'm making him put his money where his mouth is. I have to say he is pretty good, he keeps me motivated, and the best part is I get to punch him in the face when we box. 


My goal is to lose the 15 I gained, plus another 25, a grand total of 40. My mom seems to think that is too much...she believes at a certain age a woman has to choose between her ass and her face...I'm choosing my face so we will see what the grand total will be.....


*UPDATE* I have lost 5 lbs so far!!! Yeah me! 




XOXO


The Brainless Housewife 

Didn't I just feed you?!?!?

This is a glimpse of what happened this summer and now on the weekends:


My day begins by my eye pried open by a little person (A) asking, "Mommy, can I have some waffles, I am reaaaaaaaalllllly hungry!!!!" Then a few minutes later, a bigger little person (B) says, "Mommy can I have an egg sandwich, I am reaaaaaaaalllllly hungry!!!!" Ugh, feeding time at the zoo has begun.....


An hour later: "Mommy can I have some toast, cinnamon toast crunch, grapes, a snaaaaaaaacccccckkkkkk????" I'm like, "Didn't I just feed you?!?!?"


Another hour later, " Can I have goldfish, a granola bar, a go-gurt, bagel, an apple, a snaaaaaaaacccccckkkkkk????" Ugh, didn't I just feed you?!?!? I haven't even eaten breakfast yet!


So when I think they are fed enough, we can venture out in the world. As soon as I pull out I hear, "Mooooommmmmmy, we didn't have lunch!!!!" OMG, this can't be happening.


I have resorted to carrying a cooler with me filled with drinks and healthy snacks because all they do is eat and drink.....seriously.....didn't I just feed you?!?!?


Then I finish my errands, get them lunch, think they are satisified then I hear, "Mommmmmmmyyyyyy, can I have a snaaaaaaaacccccckkkkkk????" Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!!!! Didn't I just feed you?!?!?


Then dinnertime rolls around. I make sure they are starving  by the time we sit down, especially when it is something they don't like. "A" horks it down like it is the last meal, and "B" starts his negotiations, "This is not my favorite flavor, I really wanted....." I give him the look of death. He reconsiders and starts eating. Smart boy.


Finally bedtime, Aaaaaaaah, the natives are down for the count.....or so I think. "Mommmmmmmmyyyy, can I have some water, I'm a little hungry, I think I can go for some toast" OMGeezy, Didn't I just feed you?!?!?


My question is if its like this now, what will it be like when they are teenagers? Lord help me......




XOXO


The Brainless Housewife :P

Back from Hiatus

Hey everyone, I'm back from hiatus. It's been almost two months. My father in law passed away in August after a long illness. We all knew he was sick, doctors had told us to prepare for the worst, but you are never prepared. 


I have learned so much in the last two months, two I'd like to share with you: 

 "You can't take it with you". Whether its money, possessions, clothes, cute shoes etc. When we die we take nothing with us. We leave behind our love and memories. My father in law was such a generous man to everyone he met. He knew he couldn't take it with him. 

 "Give people the flowers while they can still smell them".  Spend time with your extended family, your parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews. I know life is crazy, it gets in the way, and we don't always make those family functions and reunions. We think, "Next month, next year" but it may never come.  

Death changes a family, its dynamic. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst. Luckily in our case, it is for the better. My father in law may be gone, but how he lived his life and the lessons he taught us will be with us forever. 

XOXO

The Brainless Housewife :P

Its official, I am Fat Ass

I just finished reading "TaILs" of Motherhood blog post (she is hilarious- check her out) about weight gain and weight loss. As I read it I kept thinking, "I feel your pain, I know your pain, I live your pain because I am a fat ass!!!"


You may be thinking I am being harsh calling myself this...but I know I'm a fat ass because nothing fits, not even my fat clothes...nothing! I went bathing suit shopping recently because my bottom from last year wouldn't even go past my thighs. All of the bathing suit bottoms I tried on cried....CRIED!  I have a gut like I'm 4 months pregnant! I got rolls in different area codes! I refuse to buy clothes a bigger size because I'm cheap, sue me!


I know weight loss is all about math: burn off more than you take in. Well I'm failing that equation! Come to think of it, I was never good at math anyway... 


"Why don't you go on a diet?", you may ask. I can not diet. CAN NOT with a capital C, Bold and Underlined! I stick to it for about a week then I snap like a twig. Before you know it I'm scarfing down Ho-Hos in the supermarket like some rabid beast....I don't even like Ho-Hos!!! Not to mention I love love love Pepsi. I love Pepsi more than chocolate. I love it like Jacob loves Bella (yeah, I said it) LOVE LOVE LOVE! But that's another post for a later date. 


"Why don't you exercise?", you may ask. Well I'll tell you: I started the spring all gung ho about exercise. I started doing the Jillian Michaels DVDs and Zumba DVDs. Then tragedy struck: my heel spurs started acting up to the point of calling the waaaaaaambulance! Went to the podiatrist and not only do I have heel spurs in both feet, but its so bad I am borderline surgery. So no more working out and I have to walk around with medical Crocs until I get my orthodics- attractive, huh?

The truth is I am a glutton...a glutton for punishment. I have no idea how much weight I gained because my boys broke my scale jumping on it-which is, like Martha would say, "A Good Thing".

So, I have convinced myself that summer is not the time to lose weight..how can you? All the BBQs, summer drinks, and dessert goodies....Ack!! The reality is the best seasons to lose weight is fall and spring. Why may you ask? Because fall is for shedding your summer weight and spring is for shedding your holiday weight. So, my plan is when the kids go back to school (September 6 can't come soon enough), I will go to the gym for 2 hours a day (providing I have my orthodics by then) and workout. I hear the elliptical calling my name!!!!!


Until then, No going psycho. No food journals. No crash diets. I'm embracing being a fat ass and I'm going to enjoy every lobster roll I can get my mouth around on our trip to Maine next week.


XOXO


The Brainless Housewife :P


P.S. I don't buy Pepsi anymore or drink it outside because I know its bad for my health, all the sugar, additives, blah blah blah, but I love it from afar. LOVE......

Liars Anonymous....

I recently read a blog post at Life as Bobbi titled "Too Much Information?" and she posed the question about being honest with your children about your past and other situations: To lie or not to lie, that is the question.


I don't know about you but I'm a liar....a big one.....I belong in Liars Anonymous. I will lie to chidren until they are 50. My boys like to ask questions....lots of them. Sometimes I feel like I live with Peter Jennings and Walter Cronkite. I have neither the strength or patience to explain my past choices or why things were the way they were. The other day my son asked why do people smoke....then it was followed by don't they know its bad for them, where do they make cigarettes, do all people die from smoking, have you ever smoked, have you known anyone who has smoked, etc etc....you get the idea......


Don't don't get me wrong, I don't make crazy stories up. I lie with one word answers or key phrases like "No, Nope, Never, Sure, Ok, I never did that as a kid, I don't know, What are you talking about," etc etc. My mom used to lie to me, I will lie to my kids. So sue me!


Maybe when they are older and have stopped firing questions at me like a prosecution attorney, I will tell the truth. But until then they do not need to know about my wild teenage years, early 20's, what Daddy and I did on our trips to Cancun, Vegas, etc etc.


But until that happens I will continue to lie...so therefore I'm a liar....a big one.....


XOXO


The Brainless Housewife :P

Procrastination- the world's worst scent

Name: The Brainless Housewife

Age: Mid 30's

Problem: PROCRASTINATION WITH THE CAPITAL P

I am a procrastinator, always have been, always will be.  I am a procrastinator...a big one. I start out with the best intentions. I always say to myself, "not this time, we are going to plan accordingly, no craziness, no frenzy" and it never works. I must be addicted to the thrill. The thrill of seeing how much I can clean, cook, prepare, etc. etc. in one hour before company arrives or we have to be somewhere. 

Now don't get me wrong, I don't have procrastination issues when it comes to my children: schoolwork, being on time to school, and other activities. If anything, I am adamant that they do things on time and always be early. I don't want to leave them this "procrastination" legacy. It seems that I can't get it together when it comes to me, myself, and I. As I write this I'm procrastinating on my laundry, housework, organizing my mudroom, putting away winter clothes, etc. etc. 

Distraction + Procrastination = Frenzied Brainless Housewife

They should have a procrastination rehab for those of us with this problem. It could be taught by someone who is super organized. Maybe I could kick this problem once and for all! Ah Hell, who am I kidding?? I'd probably get there late! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!




XOXO


The Brainless Housewife :P