Thursday, July 28, 2011

Its official, I am Fat Ass

I just finished reading "TaILs" of Motherhood blog post (she is hilarious- check her out) about weight gain and weight loss. As I read it I kept thinking, "I feel your pain, I know your pain, I live your pain because I am a fat ass!!!"

You may be thinking I am being harsh calling myself this...but I know I'm a fat ass because nothing fits, not even my fat clothes...nothing! I went bathing suit shopping recently because my bottom from last year wouldn't even go past my thighs. All of the bathing suit bottoms I tried on cried....CRIED!  I have a gut like I'm 4 months pregnant! I got rolls in different area codes! I refuse to buy clothes a bigger size because I'm cheap, sue me!

I know weight loss is all about math: burn off more than you take in. Well I'm failing that equation! Come to think of it, I was never good at math anyway... 

"Why don't you go on a diet?", you may ask. I can not diet. CAN NOT with a capital C, Bold and Underlined! I stick to it for about a week then I snap like a twig. Before you know it I'm scarfing down Ho-Hos in the supermarket like some rabid beast....I don't even like Ho-Hos!!! Not to mention I love love love Pepsi. I love Pepsi more than chocolate. I love it like Jacob loves Bella (yeah, I said it) LOVE LOVE LOVE! But that's another post for a later date. 

"Why don't you exercise?", you may ask. Well I'll tell you: I started the spring all gung ho about exercise. I started doing the Jillian Michaels DVDs and Zumba DVDs. Then tragedy struck: my heel spurs started acting up to the point of calling the waaaaaaambulance! Went to the podiatrist and not only do I have heel spurs in both feet, but its so bad I am borderline surgery. So no more working out and I have to walk around with medical Crocs until I get my orthodics- attractive, huh?

The truth is I am a glutton...a glutton for punishment. I have no idea how much weight I gained because my boys broke my scale jumping on it-which is, like Martha would say, "A Good Thing".

So, I have convinced myself that summer is not the time to lose can you? All the BBQs, summer drinks, and dessert goodies....Ack!! The reality is the best seasons to lose weight is fall and spring. Why may you ask? Because fall is for shedding your summer weight and spring is for shedding your holiday weight. So, my plan is when the kids go back to school (September 6 can't come soon enough), I will go to the gym for 2 hours a day (providing I have my orthodics by then) and workout. I hear the elliptical calling my name!!!!!

Until then, No going psycho. No food journals. No crash diets. I'm embracing being a fat ass and I'm going to enjoy every lobster roll I can get my mouth around on our trip to Maine next week.


The Brainless Housewife :P

P.S. I don't buy Pepsi anymore or drink it outside because I know its bad for my health, all the sugar, additives, blah blah blah, but I love it from afar. LOVE......


  1. OMG you are crackng my ass up here. I lost 70 pounds over a year then I put 20 back on because my fat ass loves food. I was feeling alone in my summer fat misery. I've been wearing only skirts because I can't pull my jeans past my thighs either. I feel your pain. There's always water aerobics if your pool has a gym. When I lost it before it was all about calorie counting... And it blows. Lol!! Good luck!

  2. @Erythropolish I'm happy to see I'm not alone! I've been trying to work out in the water, only problem is I start scarfing down Pringles when I get out....I LOVE FOOD!!!!!!! Is that a crime?!?! LOL!

  3. It isn't a crime to love food or Pepsi. The key is balance..... don't get me wrong, I splurge sometimes too! As a matter of fact when I am done reading blogs there is peanut butter fudge calling my name. ;)
    Summer is a tough time to diet because of all the events. Hopefully, when things slow down you can find something that works for you. Good luck!

  4. My body is completely immune to diet and exercise. I am an addict to all things with carbs and alcohol content. It's a curse. The irony is I care more about *complaining* about being a fat-ass, than I do about *doing* anything about it. &UcK calories, I say!!!!
    (p.s....thanks for the shout out!!)